smile, laugh, and pain

little sarrah is BIG already :)

2011-04-05T02:21:00.000-07:00

sarrah amani da banyak perangai dah skrg ! suka jelir lidahh , cengeng ! sukaaa meragam !tapi its okay i still love you though !

Sarrah Amani = Sempurna

2010-11-26T19:03:00.000-08:00

lagu ni shows how perfect she is to me :) love you baby . so much .

Kau begitu sempurna
Dimataku kau begitu indah
Kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujimu

Disetiap langkahku
Kukan slalu memikirkan dirimu
Tak bisa kubayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, kau begitu
Sempurna... Sempurna...

Kau genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

Kau adalah darahku
Kau adalah jantungku
Kau adalah hidupku
Lengkapi diriku
Oh sayangku, kau begitu
Sempurna... Sempurna...

Kau genggam tanganku
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku

was 8sept 2007 a mistake ?

2010-10-14T11:15:00.000-07:00

dah lama dah rupanya .
dah setahun setengah .
dah lama dah dia pergi .
dah lama ..
terlalu lama .

youu ,
i rinduu .
sangat sangat rindu .
tak pernah berhenti rindu youu .
you tak rindu i ?
i tauu , you tak rindu i .
sape lah i ..

youu ,
i sayang .
sangat sangat sayang .
tak pernah berhenti sayang youu .
you tak sayang i ?
i tauu , you tak sayang i .
sape lah i ..

youu ,
hari tu , i mimpi you .
dah 11 bulan i tak jumpa you .
maybe i terlampau ingatkan you .
sebab tu lahh .
you maybe rasa i kuat niii .
tapi , taklahh !
i lemah laa you .
you nak tau ? you lah kekuatan i .
your soothing face , calms me down .
tapi you dah tinggalkan i .
you dah pergi kan ..

somehow i feel so tense . i just can't lie to myself anymore . it has been 1 and a half years , but still , i can't manage my own feelings . i still miss him , i long for him . i need him . i know i do . i forbid people from talking abt him just to make sure i am okay . but still , i am not okay . is love a crime ? is my feeling killing me ? i just wish to bump into him anywhere to at least see him with my 2 bare eyes . youu , i miss you . if only missing someone causes death , i'd be long gone already . it has been 3 years and 2 months and it has never been about anyone else . it's all about you ! i love youu . please wipe my tears away . please , i beg .. i really beg .

Are you a coward?

2010-07-07T17:32:00.000-07:00

Firstly, i wanted to burst as hard as i can be. Why? Because i found a situation yang a lil bit annoying yet very laughable. Haha.
Mr, do u think u can run far? U can run but u cant hide. This is not about threatening, this is about the truth, if ure right, why run? Face the fact doh. Ure a man, u wanted to be called a gentleman, u wanted to be called a playboy but when u ran, and all of ur fake courage ran wit u as well. U potray urself as a coward. A HARD TEN COWARD! (: keep running and keep telling them to HIDE u. Im not stupid as i was before. GOD IS FAIR, LAW IS THERE. (:

Its been so long

2010-07-05T17:42:00.000-07:00

Quite a long time tak update blog ni. Hehh. Best bila pagi2 nih dgn tak tahu nak pakai baju apa, then mati akal. Rasa nak jerit kuat2. Hehh. Well, still a splendid day indeed. Wehuu. Kadang2 life is not like what we expected. Full of ups and downs, thick and thin and the way u push urself out of it depends on how u manage those craps. There's a lot of thing that cant be described as we grew older. There's a time when ure so out of line and barely handle any of the things that hurt u and that's when u feel like u're drifting apart from others. Its hard to explain, well ure good to explore urself than others kan?

Tanak leggings lagi!!

2010-06-24T22:15:00.000-07:00

I wana go buy pants!! I dun wanna wear leggings evryday demit! Nak a pair of levis can i? Ayah pweeeeesh. Hee. Love you!

OH MY LORD !

2010-06-23T03:30:00.001-07:00

Muhammad Affan Adwa

I just wanna tell you ;

: i heart you so much :

i am so lucky to have you with me. Thank you for holding my hands passing thru the pain. And now, they are all gone. Baby, u introduce me happiness. I'll wait for u now and always.

Thank you sayang.

Oh it's a fine day

2010-06-22T20:27:00.001-07:00

Good morning. :) i am glad im still breathing anyway. Yes, and i am glad i am totally over HIM now. Well, to be honest the case is abt to be opened. And btw it's a legal way of getting rid of assholes and jerks from your life. For all the flaws that he barely accepted just like i accepted his, for all the blood coming out from my body when he hit me, for calling my mother an animal after she gave her trust to him, for finishing my savings and for hurting the family. U see, i never have the heart to hurt his family by reporting what he did to the police. There's always the sympathiness for his siblings and mother for he just lost his dad. He begged me nt to tell anyone as he's the one who's supporting the family and GUESS what! I FALL FOR THAT. Realizing that he is gonna BEAT me over and over again but i kept saying 'its okay'. Haha bodoh aku ni. He broke my nose by punching me in the face, infront of my own hse. The blood was flowing down like hell as i reached the hosp i barely walk. Wheelchair used! Lol. Cacat. The scar is still here. And there's a scar on his right fist and it was carved on the day he punched me. I wont forget what he did, i do forgive but i believe in fate. What you give u get back. Allah is watching and rewarding. Thank you Allah.

* Mama&Ayah, i love you both so much.

* Kaka, Fina, Zati, Zul, Ady, Tiara, Bie, Yan, Apex, Nana.. Thank you for ur support, ily so much! Muahx.

*TIME HEALS.. (:

correction

2010-03-26T15:23:00.000-07:00

post yang bawah ni :)

insane ; bukan i still insane , *i TAK INSANE*

2010-03-13T08:37:00.000-08:00

hello . it's been fucking long since i last wrote my heart out here . well , what should i tell you ? progresses ? none ! ZERO ! i know what life is doing to me and i know my limit and i won't let life hit me to the ground . well , there's this girl i've been hating for almost a year now . it's so annoying to see her face ! and guess what ? i bumped into her in the train ! i just feel loike shouting "BABIIIIII" . didnt think it was not proper , so i just did ! LOL . she recognised me , well she sat in front of me kot ! loike less than 1 metre away je . if only i got the guts to shoot her in the face kan ! haish , unfortunately i was still insane to realize that i was in the LRT with hundreds of people inside . i might get caught for doing that . OBVIOUSLY , i aint stupid ! haha :) wait till i see you again . BABIIIII ! huh . bengang doe !

living in sunway , soooooo near to her makes me feel loike i cant wait to bump into her again *mana lah tahu kannnnn* kalau lahh :) uhhhhh !

motifff ?

2010-01-18T12:33:00.000-08:00

i just feel like editing this after quite sometimes leaving it with dusts and stuffs :)
today , saje je nak membebel about LAYAK atau TAK LAYAK ! now you see :

* kau TAK LAYAK untuk family aku
* kau TAK LAYAK untuk aku
* kau TAK LAYAK untuk cinta aku

okay now you know what . what is the point of saying LAYAK or TAK LAYAK when you have been in the same situation as the one yang you cakap LAYAK or TAK LAYAK .

first situation : you have a so called "friend" who stays far away from the family . and what you did was to help him/her by inviting him/her to stay at home with your parents yang gave him the same love as they gave to you everyday .

second situation : you have a so called "boyfie" who hit you , keep telling lies to you , fuck around with bitches , and still whispers I love you , who keep begging you to forget and forgive all the things he'd done . You said "OK" and kiss his forehead and told him not to repeat the same mistake and guess what ? HE DID REPEAT and what you always do is to forget and forgive AGAINNNNNNN !

tetapii ; when you are in the situation mcm depa niyh , depa cakap you tak layak untuk terima apa yang depa pernah terima .

tetapi , bila depa susah , tak ada pun you ckp : oh , you TAK LAYAK lepak rumah my family sebab family i bukan family you . Apahal nak hidup dengan family i pulak ? OR : oh , you TAK LAYAK untuk i and untuk terima cinta i , sebab you banyak buat silap . YOU SUCK !

why*reffered to the situation above* : EVERYONE IS HUMAN MAAA ! SEMUA BUAT SILAP AND ADA KEKURANGAN ! MANA ADA TIMBUL ISSUE LAYAK OR TAK LAYAK MELAINKAN YOU ALLAH ! duhh

*bengang* end -

good lord have some mercy on me !

2009-12-14T13:01:00.000-08:00

it is so like 5 am in the morning . i failed to sleep . thinking and keep on thinking why does it has to be dem hard ? gile ke ? wei half of the year without him . hello ? enough of eyes cracking pleaseeee . answer : FAILED : damn it ! nak tahu what's on my mind skrg tak ?

: nak bunuh diri :
: nak bakar barang2 :

omg . insane doings kot ! apa la masalahnya when one relationship is over ? its not like IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD kan ? but yeap . : IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD FOR ME : wey betul lah wey . i am not lying . apa dapat ? : DOSA lah bodoh ! esh .

nak tahu ? aku macam tak tahu nak buat apa . exactly macam a blind guy ! yesss , exactly . sumpah . meraba raba . *am not a perv okay ? * should i just fuck around and earn money from it ? oh noo . i bukan hookers :) and i am not a whore jugak okay ? aha .

oh maybe i just should fuck around and have some fun cock - seeing ! lol ! * now i can see i am a perv ! * tak lah actually , i am so done with tears . penat . what i think is , dalam this world tak ada mercyyyy on me ! owwww nooo :(( . hello i need love , i need attention . i can't stand being alone all time . nak puaskan hati kau sahaja ? hooo , macam mana tu ? macam susah kann ? aku ? macam tak puas je kan ?

aku rasa kau dah puas :) mula - mula :

: you hurt me : and then
: you hurt me : and then
: you hurt me : and then
: you hurt me : and then
: you hurt me : and then

tu je la yang jadi . :) and i think you're satisfied enuf of your doings kan babe ?

mia sara : oh how sweet baby :

2009-12-12T22:42:00.001-08:00

Miasara
waktu pagi kau sinari hidup ini
bangun papa bangun mami
kau sebut di telinga kami
satu hari kau kan pergi
tinggal kami bersendiri
walau apa kan terjadi
kau tetap akan kami cintai

ohh.. miasara tidur lah
kamikan bersama mu
dibuai mimpi nan indah
dan doa papa dan mama mu
tidur lah miasara
tidur lah miasara
tidur lah

miasara
yang pertama anugerah terutama
senyuman mu belai jiwa
pengubat hati yang lara
tuhan lindungi permata
selamatkan sentiasa
dari duka di dunia
akan kita hadapi bersama
rambut mu mata mu bibir mu hati mu
senyum mu tawa mu di hatiku selalu

ohh.. miasara tidur lah
kasihani mama mu
kerana dia menunggu
untuk bersama bapa mu
tidurlah miasara
tidurlah miasara
tidurlah

tidurlah miasara
tidurlah miasara
tidurlah miasara
hooo.. tidurlah

OMG : good lord best okay this song ! i am sooo loving it :) ost : papadom

i learn from the best , i learn from you !

2009-12-12T22:31:00.000-08:00

oh today is the end of every single episode of my life :) i really mean the worst episodes . well life is not a mess when i put it this way ; accept what you have to accept , either denying or not believing is just going to make your life turns 360 degrees around ! i learn from each and every mistakes i had done , how the previous relationship taught me to be someone that is very strong , and how the distance between my family and i made me miss them a lot ! really ! a lot !

emosi senja

2009-12-09T02:34:00.000-08:00

aku ingin beremosi disini . entah kenapa hari ini aku rasa seperti ingin benar menulis . ah . aku cuma mahu melepaskan apa yang terbuku . risau kiranya dinding hati runtuh tak mampu lagi menahan . aku kerinduan . :(

mahu saja aku teriak lantang2 , "oh mama , oh ayah . ambillah aku disini . aku kerinduan ! aku ingin saja menatap wajahmu yang senantiasa redup memandangku itu dan aku ingin sekali membelai senyumanmu yang sering menemani aku tika mata ini mengalirkan air yang enggan berhenti ."

aku tak mahu jatuh sakit gara2 kerinduan ! aku mahu senantiasa sihat . belum sempat aku menjaga mereka !

*emosi agak terganggu* habis-

rose cottage :)

2009-10-23T05:44:00.000-07:00

i am now at rose cottage, johor bahru. kawan2, i wont be in kl anymore. i am now in jb and will be working here,i am so sorry if i have been missing for days or weeks tpy i ta dapat na contact u ols because of certain condition :) i will keep on missing u guys. sobs !! kaka, will miss u heaps :(

selamat hari deepavali

2009-10-19T06:54:00.000-07:00

etceli ape yang na tulis tade kene ngene nan tajuk doe ! ngehh. :)
and etceli tatao ape na tules doe ! siyes niy haa :)
lotsa things happen few wekks niy.. hehh :) tapy ta mngape ! ta sedikit pun melemahkan semangat saye untuk terus berjuang. :) well hello this morning i kene bite dgn encik semut oke ? u never know how it feels ! gile bengang bile encik semut tuh da pandai merayap masuk ke dalam stokin aku yang kler biru kuning uh. * ala2 askar* gaga. pedih doe ! gugu. tpy bile di pk an alek aku ta kesa maybe sala aku ta mandi pagi uh selepas sehari suntuk berovernite di kl.
:) wink2

2009-09-27T05:06:00.000-07:00

bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

27sept2009
752 days loving him :(
equals to; 2 years, 3 weeks, 1 day.
non stop !

just to let u know, that everything will never be the same again. though the feelings that runs thru me is still the old feeling 2years ago. whats hard for me now is to keep my feet strong to stand still and smile to the world. GOD knows how hard i tried to walk with my head held high when i am down to the ground. to hold the brimming tears from falling down thru my cheek. i swear to the good name of Allah, its hard to carve a fake smile when i talk to people, when i see happy couples wandering around. he is my world. maybe he used to give me his love, but then he'll stay to be my everything whatever it is. the memories will never fade. how we hug in the rain and wet to the skin, how we slept along the shoprows when we have only60cents in hands, how we walked together in the nite, when the motorcycle broke down, when he cried seeing me in pain and so do i, how we got thru the nite when we were in a road accident. there's too many memories. i cant even forget for it still lingers around me. i do hope that he'll be the one for me one day, i really do. i rarely find myself to fall in love deep as this :) i love you, and the only reason why i do is; you are the first one that came for long, and i love you for who you are.

and you; who's made my heart shattered. i still love you. :(

ouh ouh

2009-09-23T21:07:00.000-07:00

well not much to say. :) i am happy for the moment, tapi bukan happy sebab raya la. but then mcm happy sbab sumthng else :) hee :) mcm happy sbab sumone. he said he loves me. omg ! love love love love ? unbelievable gle oke ? sebab mcm da lame tade cm uh, skng niy plak cm uh . uhhh ! :)
to you syg; i love you too :) so much !

:)

2009-09-17T22:53:00.000-07:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI
MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN

personally dr hati ikhlas niy mao mintak maaf kepada;

*qayyum sham*
*luna abdullah*
*joe arif (bear laa)*
*adam arshad*
*syafiqah nabila*
*emilia norhafiza*
*damya hana*
*elfina azyze*
*laheera anastasia*
*harith hamzah*
*nurul nadia*
*adura salmah merican*
*nur farzana*
*ammar asyraf*
*iylia syafira*
*sharina asdura*
*shahrul izuldin*
*zainuddin zaini*
*nur suzieyana*
*zuraida zainuddin*

and sape2 jea yang i knl kat dunie niy, im sorry im a human, not perfect. i tend to hurt ur feelings, im sorry, i tend to tell lies, im sorry, i tend to get angry, im sorry :) i love you guys like a lot :) i swear. ni ta tipuu :) ilysm ! <3

shah alam 2

2009-09-14T16:18:00.000-07:00

paes buat lawak gile kentang smpai i couldnt hold my tears. gile !

jangan ta hodoh lak muke !

tgk la muke chumel adam :) ngok gile kot u niy, adamm !
paan ! yuhuu, sini sini !

my goodfriend, kaka ! ily kaka

kaka lagi, infront of her hse :)

free

2009-09-10T02:39:00.000-07:00

i deleted my myspace account untuk kali yang keberape i pun tatau. its just no point kan :)
buat ape je main myspace ni. update blog ni lagi best :) maybe dah tade ape ape cite pasal relationship yang i na tules. there's just few reminders i na bagi to sape2 yang still in love ke tgh couple ke skang ni kan :)

* don't give him everything !
* dont turn him to ur everything !
* love him less !
* dont sacrifice too much !
* dont be too stupid to be cheated by him FOR MORE THAN 1 TIME ~
* dont let him HUMILIATE u !
* if he fuck another girl, let him go. DONT give him any chance !(he'll take it for granted)
* dont try to accept all the wrongs he did coz he'll think u might accept all the shits he plays with and tend to do it over again ! trust me ! ive been there !
* if he wanted u to be his second gf, ( u were the first at first and then he fucking found some other bitch and put her in the first place.) just shit at his face and say fuck off !
* if he left you, found another bitch, still fuck you in bed, call his bitch and tell everything you could !
* MOST OF GUYS IN MALAYSIA ARE PAIN IN THE ASS ! deal with it !

masih belum pulih lagi.. :(

2009-09-04T05:08:00.000-07:00

harini, abg2 aku bebuka kat uma aku. lillahi taala aku hepy gle la kot :) abg aku yang first smpai around 6 sumthng. same la dgn second bro aku :) then i was so excited, sbb anak2 buah aku ade. ah i thot what happened last 3 years has ended. belum lagi rupenye

flashback*3 years ago*

i was so 17 ! belum spm pun this time
some of my so called good frens, backstabbed me. somehow, they told my parents that they saw my PORN VID *which i don't have any idea when did i do that*. common, i know i did not do it, well true enuff, at last dorg bukak cite balik yang benda tuh ta betul sebenanye, dorg ta pena nampak pun. just wanna see betul ke ta i buat bende tuu. OMG i was soo pissed. biggest impact from the tragedy ? my bro cakap mcm ni.

"mulai harini, bila aku balik rumah, aku taknak tgk muka kau, and u're not my sister anymore"

what do u expect ? aku terduduk kot !i cried mcm baby. sebab tu lah abg aku yang paling close dgn aku. pasal sumaa ni, relationship aku dengan abg aku rosak ! ruined mcm tuu je ! fuck la kan.

after 3 years, i thot bende dah ok balek. bile ramadhan2 ni, what happened was
*they all buka puasa ramai2, and aku lambat bbuka. and almost duduk dengan bibik2. and kalau bukan anak buah aku yang ajak, tade sape ingat aku yang tongong je bdiri tahan sebak. sebak kot, dorg gelak2, aku senyap je. no one asked, dik kau sehat ke ape ke, no one. :( aku sebak gile. aku teringat mase dulu2, we were so happy together. relationship dgn family aku sndri, kucar kacir. mcm mane aku nak hold on. woi lelaki yang tuu, kau kate family aku perfect, kau tau ke ape yang sebenarnye jadi ? u always said u had the worst situation now, what abt me ? gile bodoh ! fuck u la ! sumpah saket hati la dengan kau sial !*

sebak bile tgk anak2 buah aku lari2, dulu aku pun mcm tu. lepas relationship aku dengan abg aku hancur, aku mcm ni lah. lebih senang tulis je sumenyee :) kalau aku cerita pun, org akan kate aku membebankan sedangkan kalau masalh org uh, aku dengaa jek. wtf ? aku tuliss suma nih dalam blog so that aku release :) aku sedih, raya dah dekat, tapi emotions aku ? lintang pukang. :( ta ke sakit kalau femly sndri mcm menjauhkan diri ? lagi2 die yang closest dulu !
ohfuckineedyousomuchritenow :((

wuarghh :0

2009-09-03T22:44:00.000-07:00

mama, sangap rokok.
bualan puase nih buat aku siyesly sangap rokok.
smpai mase tgh update blog nih pong menguap2. eyh wtf ?ngantok la sial :) kalau la kan. i mean, kalau la. kalauuu aku korek buntot smpai tertido buleh ? busan yang amat niyh. rase na lumbe lari pecut smpai menang numbo 4 la paling oke kan kan. na g tgk movie etceli, hello ? final destination 4 da kuar oke ? sangat mengujakan. and untuk kesekian kalinye, i am sooo sleepy, i dunno what am i supposed to do and say sebab mate dah sgt berat, moreover, aku sgt2 lapar. oh demit ! kalau la ade ayam tandoori seteven corner ! sedapnyeee :D

mimpi ! mimpi !
na pegy mimpi nihh. ayam tandoori.
oih, ure sooo stupid oke babe.
mimipi=tido la bodoh !
ngantok ni sial !

p/s; qayyum bodo babi bangang putet sengok buntit, iloveyou.

byebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebye

ku ingin kamu

2009-09-03T10:11:00.000-07:00

demi semua,
yang aku jalani bersamamu,
ku ingin kau menjadi milikku,
ku ingin kau disampingku,

tanpa dirimu,
kuhanya manusia tanpa cinta,
dan hanya dirimu yang bisa,
membawa syurga dalam hatiku,

ku ingin,
engkau menjadi milikku,
aku akan mencintaimu,
menjagamu selama hidupku,
dan akukan berjanji,
hanya kaulah yang kusayangi,
ku akan setia disini,
menemani...

sentuhanmu,
bagaikan tangan sang dewi cinta,
yang berhiaskan bunga asmara,
dan membuatku tak kuasa,

ku ingin,
engkau menjadi milikku,
aku akan mencintaimu,
menjagamu selama hidupku,
dan aku kan berjanji,
hanya kaulah yang kusayangi,
ku akan setia disini,
menemani...

disetiap arung gerak,
tersimpan dihati kecilku,
bahawa dirimu terindah untukku,

selama ku masih bisa bertahan,
selama ku masih bisa bernafas,
selama tuhan masih mengizinkan,
ku ingin selalu menjagamu,

selama ku masih bisa bertahan,
selama ku masih bisa bernafas.

p/s * sumpa sedih kot denga this song :( i wish i just can have all the times back :( i hate to see u walked away, for i can never reach for u ever again .. goodbye my sweet love

oh tuhan.

2009-08-28T14:27:00.000-07:00

pagi2 ni, aku duduk termenung atas katil. selimut and bantal ni basah lagi. pp usah ckp lah, dah mcm air terjun je. haha. aku dah ta larat lagi ditipu. tapi, aku rase situation ni sgt ta fair. knape even dah tahu die tipu aku, tapi aku still syg ? wtf ?bukan syg saje. cinte :) tapi, biala aku berentikan saje rase tu disini. mcm mane pahit sekalipun. aku telan. mungkin ini akhirnye dan tuhan ade rencana baru untuk aku. aku kesat air mate, lihat wajah aku yang buruk ni*double chin,hitam,matesepet,kening serabut,. ah ckp menjijikan sesape saje yang mmndang termasuk dia aku rase.* kat cermin. aku pgg pipi aku sndri. "aku kene redha. die bukan milik aku. munkin hatinye dah berubah 100%." terus aku capai hp aku, laju je tgn aku tekan keypad tuu. aku beritau die, aku redha lepaskan die. mgkin salah aku, smpai makan diri balik. lepas delivered, aku terbaring lemah je, aku tekap bantal kuat2 kat muke dan aku biarkan air mate ni turun selaju yang mungkin. ya tuhan, kuatkanlah aku dalam menghadapi segala dugaanmu.aku biakan tgn n kaki ni sejuk terkene aircond panasonic baru aku ni yang sejuk nak mati. aku bukak lampu bilik, aku terduduk dpn cermin.inilah dugaan yang paling hebat pernah aku dpt selame aku becinte. aku genggam tgn kuat2, tahan semua rase pedih dalam ati aku ni, tapi air mate aku meleleh gak*cet! sadis !!* tibe2 hp berbunyi. die rply msg aku. aku tersenyum sebab dpt bace tulisan dr die. tp buat ape la na reply. semua dah berakhir kan :) lepas bace msg, aku pegang satu kemeja dia yang ade dgn aku*sorry u, nanti i bagi yea* aku bau dalam2. sah !! aku rindu die. :) tuhan je lah yang tau. then smbil pegang kemeja tuh erat2, aku berfikir, "ya tuhan, kau berkatilah raya aku dan puasa aku tahun ni. bagilah aku sikit kegembiraan nanti. aku rindu nak tergelak dan bergurau2 dgn cousin2 aku tuu" aku sedih la kawan2. aku tak matang handle prob2 ni. aku dah buat planning untuk harijadi dia. dah bayar pun. entahla mcm mana aku nak buat benda tu jadi. mase tulis ni, air mate aku laju, selaju tgn aku menaip. ambik mase sikit la kawannn, nak menaip nii. nak kesat air mate lagik, hingus lagik*ta berlendir ok* haha. ahh, just mencuba merase happy sekejap :) ya tuhan, kau berilah aku peluang terakhir jumpa die, dan untuk yang terakhir ini, kau akhirilah ia dengan kegembiraan bukannya airmata. :) tu je yang mampu aku ckp skrg nih :)

ah.

2009-08-25T14:12:00.000-07:00

oh lepas habis menaip yang dibwah, air mata yang mengalir sudah ta dapat disekang :(
aku masih sayang, perlukan kau. demit !

a tribute to HAFIFI HAZWAN :( part2

2009-08-24T06:54:00.000-07:00

HAFIFI HAZWAN
(1989-2009)
MRSM SERTING BATCH 2002

KAU SAHABAT KAU TEMAN..

Telah tiba saat waktu kau tinggalkan kami

Kerana takdir yang Maha Esa telah menetapkan

Sedih rasanya hati ini bila mngenangkan

Kau sahabatku kau teman sejati

Tulus ikhlasmu luhur budimu bagai tiada pengganti

Senyum tawamu juga katamu menghiburkan kami

Memori indah kita bersama terus bersemadi

Kau sahabatku kau teman sejati

Sudah ditakdirkan kau pergi dulu

Di saat kau masih diperlukan

Tuhan lebih menyayangi dirimu

Ku pasrah diatas kehendak yang Esa

Ya Allah,tempatkannya di tempat yang mulia

Tempat yang kau janjikan nikmat untuk hamba Mu

Sahabatku akan ku teruskan perjuangan ini

Walau ku tahu kau tiada di sisi

Perjuangan kita masih jauh beribu batu

Selagi roh masih di jasad hidup diteruskan

Sedih rasa hati ini mengenangkan dikau

Bagai semalam kau bersama kami

Moga amanlah dan bahagia dikau di sana

Setangkai doa juga Fatehah terus kukirimkan

Moga di sana kau bersama para solehin

Ku sahabatku kau teman sejati

a tribute to HAFIFI HAZWAN :(

2009-08-24T06:23:00.000-07:00

hafifi hazwan, satu name yang satu mase dlu pena aku ase na sepax, ase na tunjal, yang selalu buli2 aku dlu2. mase kat mrsm serting dlu, dea salu buli2 dax2 pempuan, na baling2 kusii, jeret2, yea la, he's a guy. buli la dax2 pempuan sampai lunyai an. :)) lepas tu kan, dea mmg suke caik pasal. kalau ta caik pasal satu ary, mukan hafifi hazwan lah tuhh. :) tpy mase kelas 1 ibnu sina dlu, bile bwat kije dalam kelas, kite bwat sesame, if na deco klas kea ape kea, bwat sesame, time tu la we ol have fun sumee. :) tpy..

i log on to fb tdy, saw some of my frens' status tuh, ckp hafifi da tade. i was soo shocked. aku call bajet, he said betul. hafifi hazwan dah meninggal dunia. sebentar cume, Allah menarik dia dr kami :( even aku bengang wif him, tpy aku sedih, he was once my classmate, once my enemy, but FOREVER WILL BE A FRIEND OF MINE. *he lost in his battle when he drowned in the pool(UIA) last nite. he just got back from his futsal game and maybe because of the heat, he jumped into the pool and somehoe got drowned.*

fi,*AKU TA SIMPAN DNDAM NAN KAU, SYG. AKU MAAFKAN APE SAJE KAU PENA BWAT. AKU ANGGAP SUME TUH GURAUAN KITE MASE KITE KECIK2 DULU. SUMAA KENANGAN KITE AKU SIMPAN DALAM BUKU KEHIDUPAN AKU. MENGENALI KAU, MEMBENCI KAU, MENTERTAWAKAN KAU, ADALAH KENANGAN YANG TA TERNILAI DALAM HIDUP AKU. TERIMA KASIH, FI SEBAB KEHADIRAN KAU DALAM KEHIDUPAN NI SEDIKIT SEBANYAK MENCERIAKAN KIRANYA AKU BERDUKA. APE JE YANG KAU PERNAH KATEKAN PADA AKU TU, SUMA DAH TA DAPAT AKU DENGAR LGI, MUNGKIN SEKADAR DALAM MIMPI..FI, AKU DOAKAN KAU TENANG KAT SANA. DAMAILAH KAU, FI. SEMOGA DOSA2 KAU TERAMPUNKAN YANG MAHA ESA DAN AKU BERSAMA TEMAN2 YANG MASIH DISINI AKAN TERUS MENGABADIKAN KENANGAN KITA, YANG TA MUNGKIN TERHAPUSKAN. SEMOGA ROH KAU DIBERKATINYA, DAN MOGA KEPERGIAN KAU ITU, SESUCI SEWAKTU KAU BARU DILAHIRKAN. MAAFKAN AKU JUGA KIRANYA PERNAH BERDOSA..AL-FATIHAHH*

HAFIFI HAZWAN
(1989-2009)
MRSM SERTING. BATCH 2002

p/s; dan untuk kesekian kalinya.. air mata ini menitis lagi... :(

mcm jeles tgk pix lame dri snrik

2009-08-20T12:48:00.001-07:00

tejukk pagi2 cmni, besh update blog :) hm. tdy g ade jumpe nan dax2 kulej. sronok jea :) otw alek tuh, mase naek bas, ade sorg laky nih*huduh, compang camping,menggelaba,bajet aska* (eww) dea na naek bas, patu tah nape gado wif sorg pempuan, dea sepak2 that girl, tampa2, gile oh. dkt nan bustop kat jalan raje laut.*tempat tuh ade history snrik*that girl merayu2 kat abg bus tuh, suh selamat an dea, tpy taleh bwat pape, sbb laky huduh tdy kate tuh minik dea. patu that girl maty2 kate, "mukan mukannn ! saye mukan minik dea, dea kate na bagik saye kije tpy dea tifuuu. dea simpan saye kat uma, pukul2 saye and buat mende ta elok kat saye" gile ? sume tekejot uke, laky tdy da chuax. pucat muke :)) bodooo je kau. ishh. pempuan tuh da cm gile maybe sebab ary2 kene bantay ! oh sungguh gile. !! dak tuh asal perax. org nanye ye, ye kate ye dox batu 12 :) oh rupenye abg bus tuh kenal same abah bdk pempuan tuhh. selamat di situhh :) tiann kat girl tuh. da mcm hlg ara.. *LELAKI2 SEKALIAN, TLG LA BEHAVE, GIRLS NI TUHAN CIPTA TO BE PROTECTED, NOT TO BE BEATEN. BODO. PICK SOMEONE YOUR SIZE LA BASTARDS~* i swear to god la, if my family members kene pukul wif laky, aku siat2 laky tuh smpay lunyaiii . FUCK YOUSELF, SON OF A BITCH !

2009-08-19T03:17:00.000-07:00

hm. being alone makes me think how alone can improve u in so many ways kan. tade da na frustrated, tade da na benti2 belaja, tade da na histeria2, tade da nak potong2 tgn. that was the old me. i have never regretted falling in love, i have never regretted knowing you. i am thankful atleast god gave me a chance to feel how is it loike to be with u, to be loved by u, to be hugged and kissed by u. sikit ke tak mylove towards u, idk ! tuhan jea yang tau how deep ke, how shallow ke my love towards u.bile pk2 balik, breaking up ke ape ke is a learning process for me to be a better person. ye la kan. i dont have to think what he wants, what he needs, what i can and cannot do. ah, tapi memories still running dalam kepala. 2 tahun is not a short while punye relationship. its noy loike :ok yang kite breakup skang: *esok dah lupa , dah okay, dah chillax* hutak kau la. gile ! noo.. susah. tapi tape. i beliv sumday, there will be a better one for me and him. :) hikk

2009-08-18T23:05:00.000-07:00

*aku hisap lagi rokok winston niyh* otak makin sebu, bodoh ! raya aku taun ni full of emptiness.

*atok da tade :(*
*ta balik kampung*
*busan bile ta betego nan kezen2 snrik*
*aku benci emo d pagi raye*
*malas na pk memories ari raye lepas2 yang mcm kimaks*
*aku bengang sebab ade yang ta balek raye*(kau pk kau bagos?ha g la raye sensurang !)
*aku tade baju raye manyak*
*baju raye aku da pakai semenanye mase g kubur arwah abah*
*mase raye taun 2007, sweet memories aku la cibai, 2008&2009? memories pe lancao*
*aku malas na list manyak2 sebab asal aku tamo raye*
-SEBAB DAH MEMANG AKU MALAS MAO RAYE TAUN NI-

*bile otak dah sebu cmni kan, aku lebih gemar merapek ! sebab merapek tuh best.* tapaya pk pasal kebodohan makhluk2 kat muke bumi nih, termasok la kebodohan, kebangangan, kegampangan, dan kekimakkan kau, dia and mereka ! hah. sape2 terase sury. korang mmg bodoh :)

*korang tersangatla bodoh bila, korang nihh menyemakkan pale otak aku dgn memikirkan pasal korang yang tak layak pun untuk aku pk kan*(merosakkan mase depan aku watpe kan)

*korang tersangatla bangang bila muka korang tetibe muncul dalam pale otak aku untuk aku kenang2 kan sedangkan nothing is important about u*(bukan kau handsome pun, muke berkerak jek)

*korang tersangatla gampang bila masalah yang patut korg pk snrik korang bebankan kat dalam pale hutak aku nih even tade kene ngene nan aku*(yang aku try solve kan sebab aku ade ati perot la bodoh)

*korang tersangatla kimak bila korang ta reti na appreciate aku, and membabikan aku dengan sewenang2nye walaupun korang tau korang lagi hine, busuk, n lagi babi dari aku*(kalau korang ta seda gak, korang uh ta seda diri)

*aku malas mao membebel banyak2.*
*kalau korang pandai, pk2 la*
*nak kate bodoh, ta la bodoh noo*
*nak kate pandai, otak kau sempit*
*jangan bangga diri la pundek*
*patutnya kau bawak kebaikan kat org, tapi kau menyusahkan*(mende babi ?)
*adjust sikit diri kau seblom kau adjust org laen*
*PENGALAMAN BANYAK AJAR AKU, BUKAN CAKAP KOSONG*

*Jangan jadi bodoh sombong, bajet kau bagus tapi kau hancuss*
*sebab manusie selalu mcm tuh, termasuk kau, termasuk aku*
*BUKAK MATA, BUKAK HATI. LU PK LA SENDIRI*

heh problem+masalah= fuck off !

2009-08-13T17:05:00.000-07:00

huish. dengan segala kekuatan yang ade dan dengan kalimah bismillahirrahmanirrohim, aku mulekan penulisan aku di pagi yang tak berape nak indah, tak berape nak hening dan juge tak berape nak damai.( *aku sejok, nak berak dan lapo* ) harini, 14th august pagi2 lagi aku dah ade kat mcD larkin. woi as early as 6.am ngek ! :) duit habis angkare aku, jack n amer xaxau semalam. sumpah tak ingat kemana peginya duet untuk aku spend. seda seda, qayyum and aku dah bincang na beli ruti canai dalam plastik air ( *campur jea kuah2 sumaa* ) dah kenyang, dah agak sober dan dah habis lepak bersame amer,jack,qayyum dan pi'e ( *pi'e tade semalam, kemaren ade ler* ) dorg nak anta aku balek. tapi disebabkan duet yang dah kehabisan digunekan untuk menyaxaukan pale utak kami, aku terjelepok lemah je la atas kusi kat mcD larkin ni. Aku sejok doh. tlg lah aku.last last, aku amek pix ilangkan boring. duet tade na mam, dok je la atas kusi amek pic :p bodo rupenye aku nih kan kan kan. hahak :))

if kau MELUAT dgn aku g la MAMPOS !

2009-08-11T11:14:00.000-07:00

if kau benci aku, lantak la
if kau ta suke aku, lantak la
if kau abaikan aku, lantak la
if kau menyampah dgn aku, lantak la

kau ingat kau sape, kau bole sakitkan aku selame lamenye. dont u ever think ure good enuf to hurt me all ur life. dont act to be so innocent that people keep blaming u. its ur fault !!
kau tau kenapa sume ta suka kau ? sebab kau ta penah besyukor, kau take everyone around you for granted
kau babi ! aku benci diri aku sebab aku tak dapat kawal everything pasal kau. sampainya hati kau.
tolong aku lupakan kau ! kalau aku mcm ni lagi, aku bolej jadi gila la . kau ta pena faham ! babiiiiiiiiiiiiii !!

and IF KAU MELUAT DGN AKU SEBAB AKU KECOH KE APE, MAMPOS LAAAAA ! KAU CARIK YANG BOLE TREAT KAU MCM MANA YANG AKU BUAT !

p/s* kau tau aku ta benci kau. sebab tu kau makin lama makin ambik kesempatan ! dan aku dah makin sakit, bodohnya aku..

selamat ulangtahun, syg

2009-08-08T18:49:00.000-07:00

syg, knowing you is the greatest thing,

ever happened to me,

how i love you,

and how i adore you,

you brought the happiness to my life,

you brought the pain to my heart,

i know how i aint special nomore,

how i aint bringing the joy nomore,

do you even remember,

we carved our names,

on the beach that night,

hoping the ocean wont swipe it all away,

do you remember,

we were so in love,

we slept along the shoprows,

with no money,

but we're still happy,

do you remember,

you hugged me in the rain,

when i was shivering in cold,

do you remember,

when you said no one can replace me,

i cried and you cried as well,

do you remember,

when you look me into the eyes,

held my hands,

kissed me on the forehead,

wiped my tears,

and tell me that,

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LEAVE ME NO MATTER WHAT ?

you dont,syg

why do you tend to forget all your promises..

do you even remember our love story ?

do you still remember the love you gave to me ?

do you still remember that i was your everything ?

the difference is,

you are STILL my everything but i WAS your everything.

you stand still in my heart when i am already down to your footsteps

p/s*thanks for the cute hello kitty cupcake and the little kitty (cici) for our 23rd anniversary. thanks for letting me hugging you in the car while sleeping. i missed your smell. b, i still love you, when you already dont. thanks a lot okay. <3

only god knows how i feel

2009-08-08T04:20:00.000-07:00

malas nak tukar font. well life is not loike what we expected kan. sometimes he'll make u feel loike ure the only one. sometimes, he'll just throw all the love for u and leave u suffer gasping for air. he'll be ur only one, but u'll never be his only one. how sad kan.. u'll never know bila he's leaving u ke ape ke, even u did the best pun.. he'll still leave. aku tatau ape yang patut aku tulis ni. bile dah single macam ni betul2 rase alone sgt. aku da tatau ape ag yang aku patut bwat, mcm na jerit kwat2 but obviously it wont change anything kan? hm. today is 8th of august. supposedly its my 23rd months anniversary with him. tapi sume dah habis awal kan. but aku still wish jugak. i have never missed wishing that to him dr the first month kitorang couple lagi :) rase mcm mase awal2 couple dlu.. it was so nice, unforgettable. b.. i mish you shoo much !

2009-07-30T09:16:00.000-07:00

cintakan membawamu kembali

Tiba saat mengerti
Jerit suara hati
Yang letih meski mencoba
Melabuhkan rasa yang ada

Mohon tinggal sejenak
Lupakanlah waktu
Temani air mataku, Teteskan lara
Merajut asa, Menjalin mimpi
Endapkan sepi - sepi

Cinta'kan membawamu...
Kembali disini, Menuai rindu
Membasuh perih
Bawa serta dirimu...
Dirimu yang dulu
Mencintaiku apa adanya...

Saat dusta mengalir
Jujurkanlah hati
Genangkan bathin jiwamu
Genangkan cinta
Seperti dulu Saat bersama
Tak ada keraguan...

syg kau.. syg sgt :(

sampai bila.

2009-07-30T09:04:00.000-07:00

macam nak guna green colour pulak :)
sudah puas menangis and sudah puas kumpul kekuatan. maybe its the rite time for me to move on. dia pun sudah move on. and so do i. aku dah duk kat2 die tuh dah bape lame. and it feels so hard to let go. i do love him so damn fuckin much. tapi na bwat macam mana. dia dah ada yang lain. gempa bumi pun hati dia dah takkan untuk aku sorang lagi. i have to understand dia ada yang lagi sorg. memang ah susah tapi i have to face it. its the fact lah, fara. :( what can u do. nothing. hm. maybe bahagia yang aku kumpul untk beberape ari ni dah na sampai its point to end up.haaha yang bawah tuuu, die yang tulis sndri k. bukan aku yang tulis. haha :)) gila gila !
Maybe untuk setahun due ni, aku better diam aje dr relationships. maybe tade sape lagi yang bole replace die. or lagi tepat, takkan ada. babi ah keyboard ni. keras doh. susah mau type. kambing !! dah mati idea plak dah ni nak menulis. ok la i'll write up a lyric of a song jap. nak memenuhkan korum ! japp !

AKU CINTA AMA KAMU!!~sincerely from qayyum

perasaan campur darab tolak bahagi

2009-07-15T00:53:00.000-07:00

macam mana yea nak start cerita.

*that day kan, i went out for a jalan-jalan lahh. dengan luna and em.. :D. it wasnt a date pun. if it was a date, takkan la luna ada. anyway.. luna is a pretty girl for me la. she has round eyes, succular lips and she's indulgent. eceh. mcm aiskrim pulak i describe dia. well, agak jauh hantar dia kat klang. and masa dalam kereta otw back to kl, there was this kinda fite yang i tanak bukak mulut. i know it was my fault. a lil bit of overacting here and there. lala. maybe belum the rite time na accept the whole truth of it kan kan ? :D tapi most of the time that is spent with the guy okay la :) it was fun. unforgettable. :) lala. haritu i went tu b.b (btg berjuntai) with him oso :) collect semua barang2 i. nak pindah kl balik dahh :) well i got a job here in kl. kat ttdi. *taleh denga lagu lovie dovie, kang naness* hehek. i let it all to be god's job to decide. sayang ouhh <3

your guardian angel <3

When I see your smile

Tears run down my face

I can't replace

And now that I'm strong

I have figured outHow this world turns cold

and it breaks through my soul

And I know I'll find deep inside me

I can be the one

I will never let you fall

I'll stand up with you forever

I'll be there for you through it all

Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

Seasons are changing

And waves are crashing

And stars are falling all for us

Days grow longer and nights grow shorter

I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)

I'll stand up with you forever

I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)

Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love,my whole heart

Please don't throw that away

Cuz I'm here for you

Please don't walk away and

Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will

Pull my strings just for a thrill

And I know I'll be okay

Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall

I'll stand up with you forever

I'll be there for you through it all

Even if saving you sends me to heaven

biar saja aku sendiri

2009-07-11T07:09:00.000-07:00

serabut. tu je yang aku leh cakap. dah lama ta online. aku sekarang ni maybe lagi senang bersendiri. lebih suka senyap. dah tak larat nak bersuara banyak2. tekak pun dah naik kering. mate pun dah naik juling. ati makin lama makin berdarah. abaikan la..

aku. sendiri.

2009-07-05T07:52:00.000-07:00

suicide.suicide.suicide.suicide.suicide

ada satu cerita

2009-07-05T05:32:00.000-07:00

tulisan ni bukan dengan niat untuk menyakitkan mana-mana pihak. and tulisan ni bukan untuk membalas dendam. it is just about what happened to me today and how my hands are dancing heavily typing the story.interesting, shocking tapi predictable. as i switch the lappy on, i put the internet into the connection la. waited for a while. :) then, dah connected sumaa, i pun on la ym. sekali tuu, dia ta on9 lagi. i baru nak text suruh dia on9, suddenly he called. dia kata, "asal i call u ta angkat" ahahah. i was loike "man i was in d toilet shitting man" hahah. okay okay back to the story. then i suruh la dia on9.and dia online je i terus send kat dia msg "APOKKKKK" . ahahha. then dia malu2.

dah chat suma suma. then i started feeling something is absolutely lain tau. dia mintak wc selalu. hahaha. actually since malam tadi lagi. haha. then i kasi je la kan. pastu tah macam mana, he told me what he feels towards me. dia sayang i and suka i and love me. oho. then i kata ah. kawan dulu as im not ready lagi.kawan lama sikit then baru i decide. and dia kata he really2 loves me. and hope i dapat syg dia mcm mana dia syg i. aha.

apok2. heh. kawan dulu oke apokk. jangan terburu2. :D

ke mana dia hari ini

2009-07-05T05:26:00.000-07:00

maybe keluar dengan zaff ! ouh
ah ! if dia keluar dengan zaff pun.. nak marah apa lagi ? dorang dah together ! haha

i'm stupid for turning him to be my everything. the moment he left, he took my everything and i'm left with nothing.

*kesakitan hati, usus, perasaan, bulu kaki dan gusi yang melampau*
adoih. gloomy je tiap2 hari. ngek !

makin sedih

2009-07-04T23:05:00.000-07:00

nanti kita jumpa lagi. hm. "nanti i tengok u kat tempat kerja" aku tau semua tu takkan jadi. dia just nak sedapkan hati aku so that aku tak keep on sedih sebab asik teringatkan dia. i really am down sekarang. why do i have to cry everytime we meet ? why cant i be strong for at least one time ? sumpah sayang dia la babi !! "kerja rajin2 tau fara""bukak helmet tuh b" hahah salah panggil aku. b ? semua tuh dulu. dulu yang full of happiness and laughter. bila jumpa balik, dia kata " u still mcm dulu" then dia rub my head . how am i supposed to forget him ? gosh damn i am weak ! haha he even said that he nak ngorat i balik. hahah. he is still him. funny and still fara's heartbreaker. kita dah tade pape dah. i cant stop thinking abt him. :(

"pegang tgn i, fara.kalau pape jadi kat u susah. tau la kalau keta tu langgar u, keta tu terbang tapi jangan la tunjuk kuat" haha. qayyum2. u ni one of a kind. u made me laugh and u made me cry. lepastu marah pulak aku tanak pegang tgn dia. sebab aku tanak dia bagi aku hopinggggg ! babi ! paham tak inchek qayyum ????? adoii la. he is still touching me. still. i halang even i really2 wanted him to hug and kiss me again macam dulu. tapi sekarang dia org lain punya. i tak boleh ambik. macam dia cakap. we are just bestfrens sekarang ni. and when he wipe my tears off my cheek, dia kata" dont pretend to be happy" then pandang je into my eyes. bila jadi mcm tu, i cant control my tears.

skarang, its all over. i have to move on no matter what.

to you, qayyum; " awok benda paling best jadi dalam hidup saye " ure my eternally chocolate ball, b :) muahx !

bye bye

i love you still

2009-07-02T18:31:00.000-07:00

1,2 - 1 2 3 4
give me more lovin then i've ever had.
make it all better when i'm feelin sad.
tell me that i'm special even when i know i'm not.

make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
barely gettin mad,
im so glad i found you.
i love bein around you.
you make it easy,
as easy as 1 2,1 2 3 4.

theres only one thing two do three words four you.
i love you.
theres only one way two say those three words
and that's what i'll do.
i love you.

give me more lovin from the very start.
piece me back together when i fall apart.
tell me things you never even tell your closest friends.
make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
best that i've had.
im so glad that i found you.
i love bein around you.

you make it easy as easy as 1 2,
theres only one thing two do three words four you.
i love you.
theres only one way two say those three words
and that's what i'll do.
i love you.i love you
you make it easy, its easy as 1234
theres only one thing two do three words four you i love you
theres only one way two say those three words
thats what ill do i love you
i love you i love you.
one two three four i love you.
iloveyou
i love you
i love you

ahh, suda ta larat na nangis. lagu ni, qayyum dan aku nyanyi masa makan dekat kedai tom yam dekat rumah sewa aku, then masa dia sms aku, dia hantar lirik ni kat aku. sekarang.. b, nah lirik ni. hm aku da speechless pagi2 ni. aku rindu dia. aku tatau apa yang aku patut buat.nak tidur memang lah tak boleh kan. hm. sumpahh, aku rindu. rinduuuuuuu....

tercipta untukku (lagu first dr qayyum untuk aku)

2009-07-02T18:22:00.001-07:00

bila aku dengar lagu ni, aku akan menangis. aku jadi kaku. aku sedih. sebab aku bukan lagi tercipta uuntuk dia.dia pernah nyanyi lagu ni masa karaoke. aku nangis, then dia hug aku. dia kata takkan pernah tinggalkan aku. tapi aku macam biasa, masih lagi kaca yang tak berharga..

menatap indahnya senyuman
di wajahmu,
membuatku terdiam dan terpaku.
menanti akan hadirnya
citra terindah,
saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku.
banyak kata,
yang tak mampu ku ungkapkan
kepada dirimu,

aku ingin engkau selalu
hadir dan temani aku,
di setiap langkah yang meyakiniku
kau tercipta untukku,

meski waktu akan mampu
memanggil seluruh ragaku,
kuingin kau tau
ku selalu milikmu,
yang mencintaimu
seluruh hidupku.

tengok lah semua pics nih. :(

2009-07-02T18:00:00.001-07:00

these were the pics masa i was happy dengan qayyum. tak pernah terfikir akan putus camtu je nan die. aku sayang dia lebih dari nyawa aku.akudah penat sangat menangis. dia dah delete semua pics2 aku dengan dia dalam lappy aku ni. dia call aku pagi tadi. dia mengaku dah dia couple dengan zaff. how hurtful is that. tapi still kata sayang aku. he just wanna be a bestfren of mine. tapi aku tak boleh. selagi muka dia aku jumpa, aku takkan dapat lupakan dia. boleh ke kalau aku jumpa pacik tu, minum air yang buat aku hilang ingatan eh ? yang buat aku tak kenal dia and lupakan semua pasal dia. macam dia ni a total stranger. aku tau semua ni bakal buat aku sakit, tapi aku redha. dia bukan milik aku lagi. kenapa aku nak berharap sangat sedangkan dia dah ada zaff ? mula2 lynn, then myn, zura, kikiey, sekarang zaff. hati aku dah cukup luka dengan apa yang jadi. kenapa aku still sayang dia ? kenapa tak ada lansung dendam dalam hati aku kat dia. kenapa aku menangis tiap2 malam and seksa diri aku sendiri? knapa aku jadi macam ni ? kenapa laaa aku gadaikan future aku dulu..

aku blank sekarang ni. brg2 dia yang ada dekat rumah aku kat btg bjuntai tuh, aku kalau boleh nak dia amek balek. sebab semua tuh memories yang bakal buat aku menangis lagi. setiap kali aku tengok telefon bimbit murah aku tu, aku sebak. telefon tu yang aku dapat selepas telefon murah sederhana aku yang warna putih tu kena rompak.Masa tu gaduh dengan dia. banyak yang buat aku terkilan. aku tengok lappy aku ni, dulu banyak pic aku dengan dia. sekarang terpaksa aku kutip sisa2 yan tinggal kat dalam facebook aku even ta berapa banyak.

bila aku tengok kfc, aku teringat dia, tengok kereta teringat. tengok je lah apa2 pun, mesti teringat. besar sangat ke dosa aku dekat dia sampai dia buat aku suffer macam ni ?dah berhari hari aku kurang sgt makan, tidur, and rehat. aku asik terfikirkan dia. aku tatau apa yang patut aku buat lagi. hati aku ta penah tenang lagi sejak aku hantar dia pulang ke jb petang tuh. setiap kali bertengkar, aku mesti pujuk dia sebab aku takut kehilangan dia, sekarang pujuk macam mana sekalipun, aku tau semua takkan fixed balik, aku akan kekal sebagai kawan dan zaff akan kekal sbg kekasih.

aku masih lagi secebis kaca yang tak akan pernah berkilau dan berharga, takkan pernah berubah

dah blank

2009-07-02T11:08:00.000-07:00

i just miss him ! fuck you retard !! babi la :(

sedih lagi selepas 2 tahun

2009-07-02T09:48:00.000-07:00

malam ni sejuk. macam malam semalam.fara menangis lagi. tau kat atas tu sape? ex fara. qayyum. qayyum dah dengan fara for almost 2 years. tapi he met someone else. what can i do ? nothing. bila fara tanya, dia ta mengaku tu gf dia. dia kata close fren dari sekolah. kenapa bila senang, semua dtg, bila susah, suffer macam ni semua lari tinggal fara ? fara tau, fara ta chantik, gemok, ta perfect macam girls lain kat luar sana. Fara terima je bila semua ni jadi. Fara menangis dekat bahu mama. Fara minta maaf dekat mama sebab fara rasa maybe atas dosa2 fara dekat mama selama ni, semua ta sayang fara lagi. kecuali mama dan ayah. :) pic qayyum kat atas tu, ada attached dekat sebelah pic sorang girl yang sangat sweet and pretty, tapi fara terkilan sangat sebab sebenarnya fara yang edit pin ni. and sepatutnya sebelah tu ada fara tengah hug dia, tapi dah ada pic org lain sebelah qayyum. how it hurts me deep down semalam. kenapa fara baru tau yang dia orang couple? kenapa orang keep me hanging macam fara ni orang yang tak ada perasaan. why does it has to be hard for me to forget him. fara tak ada kawan, sebab tu fara write whts in my heart dalam blog ni. :( there's too much memories with him. susah senang masa ada 60sen dalam tangan, tak ada tempat nak tidur, just blakang shoprows je tidur. dekat dengan semak2. dengan all those memories how am i supposed to forget him ? kadang2 cinta buat kita jadi gila. kadang2, cinta ta penah bahagia, kadang2 cinta just ada janji2 yang ta mungkin org akan tunaikan.

malam ni, fara sorang2 lagi. cuba sebaik mungkin menghadapi ujian ni dengan tabah. fara tahu hati ni tak la kuat mana. tapi demi family, i have to be okay. i have to look okay. i have to do something supaya fara ta keep on thinking about him. Ya tuhan, kalau dia bukan jodoh aku kau tunjukkan la. Stop giving me hopes.

malam ni jugak, tilam, selimut and bantal ni basah sebasah2 nya. kenapalah kilang air mata ni tak bekukan je airmata fara or mungkin dah hampir kering tapi tetap fara paksakan untuk keluar. semua ni memang terlalu menyakitkan. fara rasa mcm dah tak mampu nak betulkan lagi keadaan. macam semua dah jumpa jalan buntu. hati fara dah tak tenang lagi. my days dah turned gloomy. kenapa yea? kenapa susah nak hadapi semua ni.

lepas pulang tadi, tiba2 kepala fara berat, berat sangat. oh tak makan kot. maybe nak kena gastrik ni. hm. lepas tuh, fara terpaksa berlari ke toilet, buwekkk ! muntahh ! haha. tapi, tak ada apa yang dapat keluar. just air pahit hijau tu je. yucksss ! fara jalan selow2 pegi bilik. "pappp !" jatuh kat tepi katil. oh fara pitam lagi. dah sihat sikit tu, bangun pergi kl sentral mintak kerja. macam ta ada. fara frust gila tengok couple2 yang jalan. dulu fara and qayyum pun pernah camtu.used to be .. now, no more. fara capai telefon bimbit murah fara ni, call qayyum. maybe fara terlalu rindu, fara buat macam2 alasan tapi qayyum dah lupakan fara and da tanak fara lagi. fara kena terima semua ni.fara tau semua ni akan jadi, sejak qayyum larikan diri dari fara haritu. maybe fara bukan lagi permata dia. fara just kaca yang takkan pernah berharga.

Muhammad Afif Qayyum b Mat Sham.;

if loving you was my mistake, forgive me for i cant help it. i am very sorry.
you've brighten most of my days
thanks for the 2 years most wonderful relationship
you'll always be my second hero lepas ayah :)
jaga gf baru u baik2 ya. im very sorry. i love you. take care

hari ini :)

2009-07-01T11:38:00.000-07:00

haha. Aku macam excited dapat buat blog ni. :) Aku ada life. macam orang lain jugak. Tapi it's not that exciting la. :) Aku tatau apa lagi aku nak kata for the first post ni. Maybe aku akan ke Melaka esok. Maybe tak ! Hari ni, aku makan masak lemak cili api ayam, mama masak. Aku rindu apa yang pernah aku dapat dulu dari mama :) Mama ibu yang terbaik untuk aku. Aku ni adopted tapi mama besarkan aku dengan cukup kasih sayang. Mama tak pernah bezakan aku dengan abang2 aku yang lain, Ayah pulak, kerja kuat besarkan aku. Sometimes aku rasa aku yang ta menghargai kasih sayang and sacrifices dorang tuh. Sorry mama, ayah. but one thing for sure, I LOVE YOU GUYS MORE THAN EVERY SINGLE THING IN THIS WORLD. Dah lama tak balik rumah. Bila balik rumah tadi, it was a warm welcome from them. Rasa nak pindah balik kat rumah mama, after dah sebulan lebih duduk rumah sewa. rindu mama and ayah. :) tadi kan, mama and ayah suruh aku go and shopping, haha dapat seluar and tee baru. Mama suruh beli lagi tapi aku tolak sebab aku tanak habiskan duit dorang. Dorang dah pencen. Berapa banyak lagi nak berabis untuk aku. sudah2 la tuh kan. Kalau la nyawa aku boleh sambung nyawa dorang, aku bagi so that they can continue living, Not me. Mama, ayah. I love you both so damn fckn much ! :) muahhx !

smile, laugh, and pain

little sarrah is BIG already :)

Sarrah Amani = Sempurna

was 8sept 2007 a mistake ?

Are you a coward?

Its been so long

Tanak leggings lagi!!

OH MY LORD !

Oh it's a fine day

correction

motifff ?

good lord have some mercy on me !

mia sara : oh how sweet baby :

i learn from the best , i learn from you !

emosi senja

rose cottage :)

selamat hari deepavali

ouh ouh

:)

shah alam 2

free

masih belum pulih lagi.. :(

wuarghh :0

ku ingin kamu

oh tuhan.

ah.

a tribute to HAFIFI HAZWAN :( *part2*

a tribute to HAFIFI HAZWAN :(

mcm jeles tgk pix lame dri snrik

heh problem+masalah= fuck off !

if kau MELUAT dgn aku g la MAMPOS !

selamat ulangtahun, syg

only god knows how i feel

sampai bila.

perasaan campur darab tolak bahagi

biar saja aku sendiri

aku. sendiri.

ada satu cerita

ke mana dia hari ini

makin sedih

i love you still

tercipta untukku (lagu first dr qayyum untuk aku)

tengok lah semua pics nih. :(

dah blank

sedih lagi selepas 2 tahun

hari ini :)

a tribute to HAFIFI HAZWAN :( part2